So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
