i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
