If i come over, it means nothing
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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