My first STD was from a foam party
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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