god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
