Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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