i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
