Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
try to milk me bitch
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
