In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
