i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasnāt changed the amount I drinkāit just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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