My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
