she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize