you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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