You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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