We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
