guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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