in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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