Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
