there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
