no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
