If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
