I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
