I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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