Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
