my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize