im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
