Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize