dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We are all done wearing pants today
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize