U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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