I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
