he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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