first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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