I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
