Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
