I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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