i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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