at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
