No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You took a bar mat shot.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
