It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
