i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
