you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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