My hand turned me down
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
