Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
