You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
