Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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