There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
