My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
