My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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