jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
