She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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