I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why can't burritos get me drunk
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
