Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
