In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
