They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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