Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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