doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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