HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
