the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
