i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
