I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
