If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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