i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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