So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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