i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize