Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
