were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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