What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
