I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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