Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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