Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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