Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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