I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
