Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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