I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He literally asked permission to hit on me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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