I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize