Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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