he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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