for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm too high and old for this...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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