I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fuck me I smell like cheese
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
