o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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