so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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