I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
