if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
