Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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