What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
