Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
