forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize