walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
