i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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