I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize