I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
