it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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