Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize