some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
