he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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