so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
