i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
