She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
