At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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