i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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