I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
