I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
