i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
